Today I had the second instalment of the HPV vaccine. You'll remember the first one of course - it was the same day I shelled out £330 to be told I was a girl. Now, I had assumed that getting the second vaccination would be easy.
As usual, I was wrong.
Behold the 30 steps to getting my second vaccination:
1. Asked NHS doctor in London if I could get the vaccination at my local doctors (thus avoiding extortionate private fees). She said yes and wrote me a prescription. (Visit no. 1 to doctor)
2. Booked appointment for vaccination at my doctors' in London for same morning as I was planning on leaving London forever.
3. Turned up for vaccination, with multiple leaving-london-on-11am-train bags. (Visit no. 2 to doctor)
4. Asked by nurse if I had the syringe with me.
5. Huh?
6. Told by nurse that I needed to take my prescription to the chemist and they'd give me the vaccine syringe which I'd then bring with me to the doctors' for sticking into me.
7. No time as needed to catch train to Devon so decided to just get it done in local town.
8. In Dibley, called local doctor (in neighbouring village...we'll call it Dobley) and asked if possible to schedule appointment to have vaccine. Was told they'd phone me back.
9. Called Dobley pharmacy and asked how long it'd take for them to get in vaccine. 2 days.
10. Went to pharmacy to drop off prescription only to be instantly recognised as girl-causing-confusion-in-village and given note by doctors' surgery who apparently had been trying to contact me (surgery in UK means something like clinic I think) telling me they can't do this particular vaccine.
11. Huh?
12. Go to Dobley surgery to tell them I can get the vaccine and all I need from them is someone to stick it in my arm. Still told they can't do it and told to go to hospital in a slightly bigger neighbouring town. (Visit no. 3 to doctor)
13. Go to hospital and wait for ages to speak to a nurse. Explain predicament. Am told if I bring syringe with me next week they will be happy to administer jab. (Visit no.4 to doctor)
14. Phew.
15. Drop off vaccine prescription at (different) pharmacy
16. Spend weekend worrying pharmacy will have forgotten to refrigerate vaccine and I'll die of somethingorother.
17. Collect (refrigerated) vaccine and go back to hospital. (Visit no. 5 to doctor)
18. Wait for an hour
19. Realise I should have registered with the reception when I went in so waiting all for nothing. Look sheepishly at my mum (who was sat waiting with me, of course). Register. Wait.
20. Speak to nurse (different nurse than in step 13.) who instantly knows me as girl-causing-confusion and tells me they can't actually give me the vaccine because they haven't had the training. Sits me in a corner and says she'll make a phone-call to figure out who can give me the vaccine.
21. Sit for an hour listening to various people behind nearby curtain explaining their problems to various nurses. Apparently it's a bad-blood-day. Think this means they're struggling to take blood from people.
22. Nurse gives me phone and I speak to a vaccination team in Exeter who tell me that I need to get the OK from my GP. Explain my GP is in London and I need to have vaccine in Devon. Told to speak to local surgery (the one in Dobley). Go to leave, feeling distinct sense of impending doom.
23. Cry.
24. Fail to cry in secret. Nurse sees and shepherds me back to my corner and says she'll phone the surgery for me.
25. Nurse phones surgery and upsets various receptionists and doctors with her stressed-but-highly-efficient-no-time-for-niceties manner.
26. Nurse hands me phone. Speak to now-irritated doctor to explain situation.
26. Doctor agrees to OK a nurse in Dobley surgery to do vaccine, but first I have to register.
26. Go to surgery and register as a temporary resident and make appointment (visit no. 6 to doctor)
27. Cajole Jess into driving me to doctors' for appointment.
28. Show up for appointment. Realise I have to pay £20 to be given vaccine (not essential therefore not free but still cheaper than private). Send Jess to cash machine. (Visit no. 7 to doctor)
29. Nurse is unsure about vaccine as has never given it before. Horrible moment when I think she's going to say she can't do it. Nurse figures out she just needs to shake and stick.
30. Ouch.
So there you have it. Seven visits to the doctor later and I am finally 2/3 of the way towards being vaccinated against a virus which if I'm gonna get it I probably already have it. I am also now infamous amongst the medical world of Devon.
There's a lesson here: assume nothing, explain everything and if you need to stay longer in London to get something done, do, because it's gonna take 1000 times longer anywhere else. Especially in Devon.
This entire story is pretty ridiculous! Endless red tape.
ReplyDeleteHmm I don't recognize Heather and Joe Patrick, which either means we missed each other somehow (because you're right, those communities are close!), or else they were over the border in Papua New Guinea, whereas I was in the Indonesian side of Papua?
Hmmm think maybe you're right and they were on the other side. Shame - I got quite excited about possible random connection! Having said that I can pretty much guarantee that if Isaac was ever part of the christian community in Bristol / Somerset that we'll know some people in common. x
ReplyDeleteSorry about this nasty hassle Hannah. Odd, I just showed up at my doctor and before I could finish the sentence "Do you have the HPV--" she was stabbing it into my arm. Anyway, you know my rant about this, but EVERYONE should get this shot.
ReplyDeleteHannah... I love the way you write. This is a clever listing technique.
Yea it's called the NHS cutting corners and only given the shot if you're under 21 or something. Well, now I've had all but the last one and that'll be had in the states with healthcare.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! What an ordeal! This sucks so much.
ReplyDeleteI also second ch's comment. I also really love the way you write! :)