Chickens crossing roads.

I recently told Jeremy of this hilarious idea I had for the 'going out' music at our wedding ceremony. Here it's fairly common for people to choose a slightly silly song for the outward walk and I thought it would raise a few ironic chuckles if we had (wait for it) 'Aint no mountain high enough.

If I could I'd get Diana Ross to pop up from the choir benches, but failing that a CD belting out 'Ain't no mountain high enough, Ain't no valley low enough (Say it again), Ain't no river wild enough, To keep me from yoooooooou' would do the job.

Jeremy did not get the joke.

J: "What's so funny about that"

H: "Because it's super cheesy but people will know we mean it in a tongue in cheek way and are kind of making fun of ourselves and our relationship"

J: "But there aren't any mountains between us - there's an ocean"

H: "Sigh" (whilst mentally crossing off idea of having Shania Twain's 'looks like we made it' for first dance)

I'm starting to realise, perhaps a little late, that Americans don't put their tongues in their cheeks. This is a problem for me, because my tongue lives in my cheek. Jeremy and I have had full on arguments arising from me making some offhand comment and him taking it completely seriously. OK the argument was on msn and, well, everyone knows msn and irony should never be mixed, but the point is the same.

I'm not saying that Americans aren't funny. Jeremy makes me laugh more than anyone. Granted it's almost always him making me laugh at me, but he's still pretty damn funny. But when it comes to wry, dry humour they are lost.

I think the root of this problem is that Americans do not possess the phrase 'taking the piss'. Say to an American 'don't worry, I'm only taking the piss' and they will glance uneasily downwards before writing it off as a weird Britishism and continuing to take offence or be confused at whatever they are having the piss taken out of them for.

The nearest translation I've found to taking the piss is 'kidding' or possibly 'taking the mickey' (but I'm not sure?). Frankly that's like decaffeinated coffee. Looks, smells, even tastes pretty much the same, but no kick.

For at the root of British humour (I'm including the Scots / Welsh and Irish here 'cause they're worse than we are) is a deep and dark cynicism. We don't kid, we take the piss. Ours is a humour that is not supposed to be buoyed by canned laughter.

Problem is, in America, it's either mistaken for rudeness or it just isn't understood and is taken completely literally.

A few days ago I asked Jeremy if he had named all his worms in his worm farm. This is funny a) because Jeremy is not a person who names worms. b) because who names worms? and c) if you did name worms, how would you be able to tell them apart anyway?

Jeremy's reply? "There are over 2000 of them."

I'm doomed.