Humbled.

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been moaning a lot lately. The weather's been crap and cold and while the lack of an address is a great way to ward off chuggers, it's pretty tiring. Sure yesterday I was trying to sound upbeat about one day being able to call both sides of the Atlantic 'home', but really that was just a covert way of moaning about the effort I need to put in to make that happen. Basically I've been a total Eeyore for the past week and everything good has served only to emphasise the bad.

But today I have been put to shame.

Because today I put on my Time Together hat (at TimeBank I have multiple jobs and one of them is helping on a refugee mentoring scheme called Time Together) and set off to the Tower of London to shepherd 15 mentoring pairs around and help supervise the day. I wasn't really in the mood - I was tired and eeyorey and didn't really want to spend my saturday at Tourist Central in the cold.

But then as the day went on and I wandered around the tower exhibitions with refugees from Russia, Eritrea, Columbia, Burma, Syria, Sri Lanka, Zimbabwe...all of different ages and stories, all forced to leave their homeland because of situations beyond their control...I was struck a) by how lucky I am and b) by how amazing people are. Here we had people whose life experiences exceed my imaginings and yet who have perservered and remain positive and kind and funny. And the volunteer mentors too - people who give up precious free time to meet with their 'mentees' to try and ease their struggle into life in the UK.

I wonder what the refugees I spent the day with today make of us English - the Tower of London with its displays of Henry VIII (whose nature and rule bears a striking resemblance to Idi Amin, although I don't remember it being taught quite that way in primary school) and crown jewels plundered from other lands, and tourist-ised torture chambers on display for entertainment, totally ignoring the fact that real people suffered real agony there. How strange we must seem, how complacent and naive.

So I thought as an antidote to moaning and in recognition of the many blessings in my life, I'd write the traditional 'thanksgiving' list, just a week or so too late:

I am thankful for:

- Couches. And the owners of those couches - that because of the generosity of friends I have been able to claw my way out of my overdraft and save money for my unemployed future.

- Love. Even if he is American. I've found someone I want to commit to for my entire life, and while it still scares me a little I haven't and he hasn't run for the hills.

- Family. That I have so many people I love who love me and that they are able and willing to travel to see me wherever I go.

- Visas. Well...not for visas exactly (that would be pushing it), but for the relative ease I can get them

- Nightmares... that nightmares are the only place I have ever experienced 'real' fear

After the Tower of London we all congregated in a cafe to talk and warm up. I felt real pride when I explained to the bemused waitress why this disparate group of age and race and culture and language was all together. And it made me realise that what I'm doing with my move to the states- while it feels huge and overwhelming at times - is actually entirely achieveable and I need to shut up with the moaning and get on with it. Or at least moan with the humble knowledge that I'm a total wuss for doing so.