Constructive moaning.

At 2.30pm today I looked outside and thought the world was ending. Or that I’d somehow been transported back to Dickensian times to a London suffocating in smog . Or that there had been a been a solar eclipse I didn't know about (momentary flashback - In the eclipse of 1999 my mum had seen something on Blue Peter about using a colander to look at the sun and the possibility of dogs howling…so she stuck a colander on her head and howled at the sun. Still makes me smile.). Or at the very least that I’d been transported to Scandinavia or some other goes-dark-all-day country.

But no, it was just winter and I was unimpressed.

“How can it be dark at 2.30?” I exclaimed. And I momentarily thought "that’s ok, I’m leaving the country soon", before I realised (with a rather loud £$&*!) that while yes, I am leaving the country, I’m going to Boston,where not only will it be darker, it will be colder too, with a heck of a lot more snow. My friend / colleague /parent-of-daughter-with-stolen-princess-bed is about to embark on a round the (sunny) world adventure with her husband and 3 year old in tow, and overheard my whole conversation with myself. The grin on her face she watched it dawn on me that I was not escaping the cold and the dark but she was, was sickening.

This weather depression was worsened on my trudge home from work- bad enough that it was raining, but I made the situation 1000 times worse by being a stupid person. I mean seriously, who wears ballet pumps in December? I made myself feel better by cooking a yummy thai soup when I got 'home' (which was,as marc pointed out, my 6th liquidised meal of the week).

Now I know I’ve moaned about English weather already. And I know I’ve moaned about the cold in Boston already. But it’s all a little ridiculous so I’m going to moan again. Actually no, I won’t moan, I’ll make it constructive and construct a list of reasons why we should move to California:

1. (of course) It’s sunny

2. It doesn’t rain

3. It doesn’t snow

4. We’d save on heating bills

5. People are happier there because they’re warm

6. I’d save on fake-tan expenditure

7. People would be more likely to visit me because it’s a good holiday destination… and they’d even visit me in Winter (because there isn’t one).

8. We wouldn’t get rickets

9. We’d be that much closer to Hawaii

10. We’d be that much closer to Mexico

11. I’d be that much closer to George

12. and Patrick

13. And ummm (shock confession) Hugh (noticing a trend here...might have to get Jeremy a stethoscope)

14. I wouldn’t need to highlight my hair because the sun would do it for me (not that I do highlight it anyway, but if I was so inclined, I wouldn’t need to)

15. I’d lose weight because when I’m hot I’m not hungry

16. I’d exercise more because if I had to wear a bikini on a regular basis next to tanned Californian types, I’d have an incentive.

(Basically I’d be tanned, blonde(ish), fit and skinny)

17.There are elephant seals, which are awesome.

18. I could learn to surf (the possibility would be enough for me)

19. The best sushi restaurant I've ever been to is there, complete with mariachi singers

20. The sun doesn't just get diluted by ever darkening clouds until it disappears into night - it shines all day and then promises to return by a last burning stand before the stars come out

Of course there are negatives to California. There's the small matter of earthquakes and the proximity of Paris Hilton and the fact that it's double the distance from England . But I figure an 11 hour flight isn't much different from an 8 hour one, and for year-round sunshine I can get over the threat of house-collapse and pouting heiresses.

Now all I need to do is convince Jeremy.

Oh and ignore the fact that moving 3000 miles twice in a year is a definite overestimation of my mouth:chew ratio.

Dammit.

I could just about forgive Jeremy being an American if he lived somewhere sunny. As it is I'm just going to have to resent him everytime it rains / snows / is cold / grey / gloomy for ever more. And I better train myself not to wear ballet pumps in the rain while I'm at it. And maybe learn some more soup recipes.