I am not a fan of weddings. I have been a bridesmaid six times and, coming from small town Somerset, most of my friends were married before they reached puberty. OK that’s an exaggeration, but it certainly felt that way.
As a veteran bridesmaid, I have been the person holding the beautiful but enormous and impractical dress above the bride’s head as she pees, I’ve set up and cleaned up countless reception halls (well, not countless, but quite a few). I’ve stood in strapless dresses in mid-December in unheated churches trying not to turn blue, stood at the head of aisles in front of entire congregations trying to suppress giggles for less than conventional entrances and been caught on camera with a grimace of disgust at the use of ‘Wives submit to your husbands’ (yes, I know it goes on to say love your wives as you love yourself and that therefore it’s not grossly sexist blah blah blah. It’s still an unacceptable sentence.).
I’ve scaled mountains, ventured north of Birmingham, eaten sheep-head pâté and barn-danced until the world spun – all in loving support of my friends nuptials. But all the while I was thinking ‘I’d do this differently’. [I should here insert the caveat that prevents all my bridefriends from revoking my former bridesmaid status – your wedding was different. I’m talking about all the other weddings. (Seriously though, your weddings were unique to you and I loved them for you, but not for me…have I saved my traitorous bridesmaid butt?)]
For someone who isn’t a fan of weddings I’ve spent a lot of time planning my own. Since I was 5 and first put that lace curtain over my head, I’ve been crafting and preparing the perfect wedding. My number one aim is to avoid all unnecessary stress. I’ve already partially failed in this – wedding politics seem to lurk in every lacy corner – but I’m determined to get through without compromising on core values. These are:
- Never sticking bits of ribbon onto bits of lace onto bits of card
- Not spending obscene amounts of money because tradition says I have to
- Prioritising fun
- Not being a hypocrite
To that end, I may as well warn you all (those of you who know me that is – the rest of you won’t be invited) of the upcoming tradition-busting, convention-rocking, sanity-keeping decisions:
- We are emailing (yes, I said emailing) our invites. I have enough bits of paper to manage with the EVA (Everlasting Visa Application, remember?) without having to get all sticky and stressed about handmade invites. Also it’s environmentally friendly so we will gain Carbon-guilt-points (which will promptly be used 1000000 times over by the flights people will make to come to the wedding) and it’s cheap and therefore not wasting money on unnecessary traditions. Oh and you can RSVP online and it keeps track of them all. Genius idea. Add paperlesspost@paperlesspost.com to your address book now to ensure it doesn’t get gobbled up by spam. And don’t go expecting a save-the-date, there’s not going to be one. Silly American idea which duplicates work.
- We are getting married in a church. OK that doesn’t sound particularly tradition-busting, but in order to combat the not-being-a-hypocrite value, I had to have a squirm-worthy conversation with the Vicar where I explained I was a Christian but Jeremy wasn’t so would it be ok if we tweaked some of the words a little? Answer: you’ll already be legally married so you can do what you want and well done for not compromising your integrity. He’s a very cool vicar.
- There will not be hymns in the church. My parents virtually fell over when I told them this. It’s OK. There will be music (no we’re not going to all start singing pop-songs, I just meant down the aisle and back), I just don’t want that awkward half-the-guests-don’t-know-the-words moment(s).
- I’m not having a colour scheme. I can’t be bothered. Hydrangeas come in all colours, as will my wedding. Just wait until you see the bridesmaid dresses. No, Ali, they’re not tie-dyed.
- We’re having cupcakes, not cake-cake. Because cupcakes are awesome.
- We’re not having a band. I know this isn’t that unusual but it allows me to tell my favourite-so-far wedding conversation:
Dad: so are you having a band?
Hannah: no, we don’t really want one
Dad: but bands are nice
Hannah: I know, but Jeremy and I aren’t that bothered – we just don’t really want one
Dad: Well it’s not about what you want Hannah
Hannah: (in fits of laughter) ummmmm yes Dad I think it is
Dad has since seen the funny side of this exchange and has accepted the error of his wedding-ways. I just find it funny.
Oh and we’ll already have been legally married for about 7 months by the time people watch me walk down the aisle. I just hope I still like him. Kidding.
So prepare yourselves for untraditional brilliance. I hope. At the very least it’ll be fun. The formula of good food, friends, wine / beer / local ciders and Beyonce hasn’t failed me yet.
As a veteran bridesmaid, I have been the person holding the beautiful but enormous and impractical dress above the bride’s head as she pees, I’ve set up and cleaned up countless reception halls (well, not countless, but quite a few). I’ve stood in strapless dresses in mid-December in unheated churches trying not to turn blue, stood at the head of aisles in front of entire congregations trying to suppress giggles for less than conventional entrances and been caught on camera with a grimace of disgust at the use of ‘Wives submit to your husbands’ (yes, I know it goes on to say love your wives as you love yourself and that therefore it’s not grossly sexist blah blah blah. It’s still an unacceptable sentence.).
I’ve scaled mountains, ventured north of Birmingham, eaten sheep-head pâté and barn-danced until the world spun – all in loving support of my friends nuptials. But all the while I was thinking ‘I’d do this differently’. [I should here insert the caveat that prevents all my bridefriends from revoking my former bridesmaid status – your wedding was different. I’m talking about all the other weddings. (Seriously though, your weddings were unique to you and I loved them for you, but not for me…have I saved my traitorous bridesmaid butt?)]
For someone who isn’t a fan of weddings I’ve spent a lot of time planning my own. Since I was 5 and first put that lace curtain over my head, I’ve been crafting and preparing the perfect wedding. My number one aim is to avoid all unnecessary stress. I’ve already partially failed in this – wedding politics seem to lurk in every lacy corner – but I’m determined to get through without compromising on core values. These are:
- Never sticking bits of ribbon onto bits of lace onto bits of card
- Not spending obscene amounts of money because tradition says I have to
- Prioritising fun
- Not being a hypocrite
To that end, I may as well warn you all (those of you who know me that is – the rest of you won’t be invited) of the upcoming tradition-busting, convention-rocking, sanity-keeping decisions:
- We are emailing (yes, I said emailing) our invites. I have enough bits of paper to manage with the EVA (Everlasting Visa Application, remember?) without having to get all sticky and stressed about handmade invites. Also it’s environmentally friendly so we will gain Carbon-guilt-points (which will promptly be used 1000000 times over by the flights people will make to come to the wedding) and it’s cheap and therefore not wasting money on unnecessary traditions. Oh and you can RSVP online and it keeps track of them all. Genius idea. Add paperlesspost@paperlesspost.com to your address book now to ensure it doesn’t get gobbled up by spam. And don’t go expecting a save-the-date, there’s not going to be one. Silly American idea which duplicates work.
- We are getting married in a church. OK that doesn’t sound particularly tradition-busting, but in order to combat the not-being-a-hypocrite value, I had to have a squirm-worthy conversation with the Vicar where I explained I was a Christian but Jeremy wasn’t so would it be ok if we tweaked some of the words a little? Answer: you’ll already be legally married so you can do what you want and well done for not compromising your integrity. He’s a very cool vicar.
- There will not be hymns in the church. My parents virtually fell over when I told them this. It’s OK. There will be music (no we’re not going to all start singing pop-songs, I just meant down the aisle and back), I just don’t want that awkward half-the-guests-don’t-know-the-words moment(s).
- I’m not having a colour scheme. I can’t be bothered. Hydrangeas come in all colours, as will my wedding. Just wait until you see the bridesmaid dresses. No, Ali, they’re not tie-dyed.
- We’re having cupcakes, not cake-cake. Because cupcakes are awesome.
- We’re not having a band. I know this isn’t that unusual but it allows me to tell my favourite-so-far wedding conversation:
Dad: so are you having a band?
Hannah: no, we don’t really want one
Dad: but bands are nice
Hannah: I know, but Jeremy and I aren’t that bothered – we just don’t really want one
Dad: Well it’s not about what you want Hannah
Hannah: (in fits of laughter) ummmmm yes Dad I think it is
Dad has since seen the funny side of this exchange and has accepted the error of his wedding-ways. I just find it funny.
Oh and we’ll already have been legally married for about 7 months by the time people watch me walk down the aisle. I just hope I still like him. Kidding.
So prepare yourselves for untraditional brilliance. I hope. At the very least it’ll be fun. The formula of good food, friends, wine / beer / local ciders and Beyonce hasn’t failed me yet.
When I got married, my husband did 60% of the planning, my mum 25% and I did the other 15% (mainly choosing my dress, picking bridesmaids and my bouquet). I just did not enjoy wedding planning in the least! However, that meant I didn't put my wedding on a pedestal and get freaked out when things didn't go to plan! It made the day much better! We got married in an aquarium which was a ball, and we didn't have a band either (time constraints) but didn't feel we missed out at all. We had a traditional Christian ceremony within an unusual setting and it was great! Yours sounds really personal and representative of you and your husband-to-be - and that's just how it should be!
ReplyDeleteAn Aquarium? That sounds amazing! And how awesome that your husband did the majority of the planning. I'm not sure I could handle Jeremy doing it - while I'm sure he'd do it well he'd leave it all till the last minute so by the time it was done I'd have died of a panic-induced-heart-stoppage.
ReplyDeleteThis is SO me! I've been a bridesmaid about four times and two of those times were in the same year, just five months apart. All weddings were a huge affair with hundreds of guests, monstrous cake, fancy dresses, tons of flowers, limos, the works. Total nightmare. I kept saying to myself that I never wanted to be a bridesmaid ever again and in fact, I never wanted to get married myself. And if I did, I would elope, which is what I ALWAYS told my mother...much to her chagrin.
ReplyDeleteOf course, now several years later, I find myself getting married. I wanted a simple courthouse ceremony (with only myself and my fiance present) with no fuss, but Bristol Boy is much more romantic than that lol. So we're planning a small ceremony in Bristol. We are having a civil ceremony at Old Council House, though. Our kind of reception that we're planning is just a private dinner at a restaurant with hopefully less than 25 people. Not some huge ballroom with hundreds of people and dancing and all that jazz. Not for me.
Loved that exchange between you and your dad! It's the ONE day in life when it is all about you! Haha. Cupcakes are indeed awesome. ^_^