The Day of Food...

...Is tomorrow.

Of course Americans know it as "Thanksgiving", but since the original thanks-givers were doing so having deserted with disdain my beloved land, I'm boycotting the name and re-christening it The Day of Food (TDoF).

I'm a big fan of TDoF, if you skirt over its traitorous provenance. It is exactly what it says on the (rechristened) tin: THE Day of Food. All people do all day is eat. And they spend about a week preparing to eat. Everyone together eating - no presents or trees or other distractions - just family and food. And it's a pretty ecumenical Day at that - while the original apostates were Christian, nowadays anyone can get in on the act - all they have to do is like food, family and be nice and appreciative for a day.

So I think we English should reclaim TDof (since its originators, treasonous though they were, were English after all). In fact I think we have more entitlement to this particular day than Americans.

Here's why:

1. Our commitment to Roast Dinner. We've even given it its own dedicated weekday - and all across the country, 100,000s of people cook it religiously every Sunday. So you see, we have experience in cooking such things.

2. Our lack of Sweet Potato pie. I actually like sweet potato pie. As a dessert. That much sugar and marshmallows does not belong with gravy. Sweet potato pie with gravy is the equivalent of eating ummm any dessert with gravy. In fact, I think the fact that Americans do this is reason enough to transfer Thanksgiving TDoF rights over to the UK.

3. The Roast Potato. The best ever way to cook potatoes and you don't even know what I'm talking about. Find out and maybe we can negotiate.

4. I just remembered the existence of chicken salad (for the English people reading this, it's not chicken-with-salad, it's chicken all mushed up with mayonnaise like tuna-mayo. Nasty.) I know you don't have this for TDoF, but its mere conception is sufficient to eliminate all rights to all things for all time.

OK I've only got 4 reasons, poor effort I know, but I still really like Thanksgiving (TDoF isn't really working for me - I'll just conveniently forget that the Treasonous Ones came up with the name). I've celebrated it every year for the past 7 years now (with and without Americans present), and that takes effort because we don't get the day off work so it means coming home after a full day and cooking Thanksgiving dinner (I tend to skip the turkey tho - I prefer chicken). I've hosted Thanksgivings for upwards of 30 people and over the years I've converted 10s of Englanders to the day. I am a Thanksgiving pioneer and deserve much acclaim.

So I think you Americans should let me keep it. I'll let you celebrate it too, provided you accept it wouldn't be here if it wasn't for England driving out the pilgrims in the first place.