choosing love

It's occurred to me recently that Jeremy and I are compatible. I mean, thank god right? Since we went and got married and all, but bear with me. We're neither of us unkind, even when we're angry, and we laugh - mostly both of us laughing at Jeremy but there you go. And generally we just enjoy being around each other. It's all fairly laid back - there's no jealousy or anxiety or demands. It works.

But the thing that I've been puzzling over is that it hasn't always been this way. I mean, we've never been unkind or jealous and we've always laughed, so I guess those bits have been in place. But we got together when I was 19 and Jeremy was 23. We were different people with different expectations of a relationship and I for one hadn't yet figured out how to comfortably exist within myself. I was neurotic - calling him compulsively (I'm convinced he resorted to screening my calls) and losing so much sleep I'd fall asleep during the day if I rested my eyes for a second. He was, and remains, incredibly relaxed within his own skin - in a way I've only ever known Americans be - but he also had that edge of selfishness that I guess you'd expect in a 23 year old guy. I don't mean that resentfully - if anything I wish I'd had it too, although if I had then we likely wouldn't be where we're at today, but he was OK with doing his own thing 3000 miles away and knowing he loved me and we'd be seeing each other in 3 months. I was... less OK with that.

We should have broken up. I mean, we did sort of break up, but then we got back together and never really stopped talking in that time anyway so it doesn't really count. It shouldn't have led us here. Jeremy should have got supremely pissed off at my neuroses. I should have freaked out and given up on his infuriating relaxedness. It shouldn't have worked.


But it did. Somehow, we both held on. Even when probably everyone around us was thinking we needed to just give up already (you know I know you thought that), we couldn't walk away. And I wonder. I wonder whether somewhere within us existed our future selves. And those selves recognized each other and knew that we only needed to endure our younger stupider selves for a little longer and then it'd all be OK.

I realized recently that a lot more has been asked of Jeremy than is maybe asked of most new husbands. When we first married he had to immediately adopt the roles of best friend, comforter, family, supporter because everyone else was so far away. Of course I had to get my act together and prove myself to be a heck of a lot more driven, productive and confident than I normally am, but if he hadn't stepped up to the plate then I couldn't have.

We've something special and I marvel at it daily.

The Italy trip where we met - with Helen and Sam (Oliver was behind the camera)

And the same people 7 years later, at our English wedding 2 years ago.