Uniform

Jeremy has accused me of using this blog as a moaning forum. He's probably right, but it's light-hearted moaning.

On that note, let me talk to you about cold.

This week has seen temperatures drop to record lows. We're talking -15 degrees C and landlords phoning up to tell us to keep taps(faucets) running throughout the night so that the pipes don't freeze and explode. We're also talking waking up to an apartment that's 12 degrees C.

No, don't call domestic abuse hotlines on my behalf, it's OK - I don't mind the heating being off over night and yes I do turn it on the second I manage to summon the will to exit my electric-blanketed bed.

But despite heat, there is still a chill in the air and consequently I have developed a uniform of cold resistance that I don upon waking.

This consists of:

Fuggs - because I can't afford real Uggs and I only wear them inside anyway...although I think they are responsible for the million electric shocks I've been getting whenever I touch anything, including soup.

Pyjamas / leggings / jeans  -  in that order, depending on how dressed I decide to get that day.

Chunky socks and / or legwarmers - worn over bottom of trousers to prevent drafts.

A million T-shirt type layers - no explanation necessary.

Massive jumper (sweater) - ditto on the explanation.

Scarf - because my neck is always the first thing to get cold.

Fingerless Gloves - aka homeless-person-gloves... although my reason for wearing them is so I can type. If I were a homeless person, I think I'd be wearing finger-full gloves.

Snuggie / Blanket - the Snuggie is a new addition and I only actually put my arms through the arm holes in emergency situations or for comedy value. It's supposed to be worn like an oversized and overfluffy hospital gown, complete with a pocket for the remote, just incase you're too cold or comfortable to reach for it on the coffee-table. However I prefer to wear it like an oversized wizards cape, with a tiny hunchback (from the remote pocket).

Hat. Also only worn in emergency situations. But they can and do happen.

And finally the all important hot water bottle. On hand for emergencies and bed-time. I was amazed to discover that Americans seem to have misplaced the knowledge of this time-honoured warming device. I thin kthis has a lot to do with their ignorance of the super cute teddy-bear-esque covers you can buy to go over them. I am hearby starting a campaign to bring them back in all their teddy-bear covered glory.

So there you have it. The Boston Winter Uniform for all sensible human beings (that don't have to go to work). The only thing I'm missing so far is a nose warmer. I don't know if these exist but they should, because my nose is eternally chilly.

HA! I just did a quick google search and they do exist. I think I may be risking my marriage if I were to include this in my uniform though. And my self respect.